Just how far am I willing to go for you, for me, for anyone? Just how far am I willing to risk it all? Am I ready to give myself fully away to someone, to completely let someone into my life? Yes, yes I am. But, how far will I let this go? Will I put up a wall eventually because of my own hidden insecurities or will I freely open up my heart and let you in, truly let you in?   

There’s so much hope now. He’s given me so much strength, so much love, so much… hope. Then, tell me why I can’t stop worrying, why can’t I stop thinking? If it were possible to shut the mind of on cue I would take that opportunity without hesitation. Only in sleep do I truly cease to think and yet sometimes I have those nightmares, those bad dreams that haunt me even when I wake. The feeling lingers like winter’s chill clings to the morning air. Tell me why I can’t just love him and have it be so. I worry about every single little detail when I know I shouldn’t. I try not to think so much but it gnaws away at my brain devouring as it goes. Love should be enough, it should always be enough until it’s not. They say he’s with you now, he loves you, over time everything will be better. The thing is I don’t want it better in time, I want things better now. I want to stop over analyzing everything that happens, I want to forget, to stop questioning, to just love. Tell me why I can’t do that.